Celebrity Jokes

George Bush Jokes - Funny Jokes With and About George Bush

2010-01-08T01:00:00.000-08:00

Well, George Bush is no longer the president but that does not mean that we can not still have fun and laugh thanks to some good Goerge Bush Jokes.

George Bush Joke 1:

In the light of all the criticism that George Bush is an idiot, the Republicans decide to hold a "George Bush Is Not Stupid" convention. Eighty thousand Republicans meet in the Kansas City Chiefs Stadium.
Trent Lott says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that George Bush is not stupid. So ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce President George Bush."

After the cheers die down. Lott says "Mr. President, we're going to prove to the world once and for all that you are not stupid. So tell us, what is 15 plus 15?"

Bush, after scrunching up his face and concentrating real hard for a moment, declares, "Eighteen!"

Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then the 80,000 Republicans start cheering, "Give Bush another chance! Give Bush another chance!"

Trent Lott says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place, I guess we can do that." So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"

After nearly 30 seconds of chin-rubbing and grimacing, Bush meekly asks "Ninety?"

Trent Lott is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened.

But then Bush starts pouting, and suddenly the 80,000 Republicans begin to yell and wave their hands, shouting again "Give Bush another chance! Give Bush another chance!"

Lott, unsure whether he's doing more harm than good, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance -- What is 2 plus 2?"

Bush looks down, counts on his fingers, and after a whole minute, proudly announces "Four."

A moment of total silence, then an electric charge surges through the stadium as pandemonium breaks out.

All 80,000 Republicans jump to their feet.

These GOP partisans start to wave their arms, stomp their feet and create a deafening roar:

"GIVE BUSH ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE BUSH ANOTHER CHANCE!"

George Bush Joke 2:

George Bush and Dick Cheney are talking, when Bush suddenly complains "I hate all the dumb George Bush jokes people tell about me."

Cheney, feeling sorry for his "boss," says "Oh, they're only jokes. There are a lot of truly stupid people out there. Here, I'll prove it to you."

Cheney takes Bush outside and hails a cab.

"Please take me to 29 Nickel Street to see if I'm home," says Cheney. The cab driver, without saying a word, drives them to 29 Nickel Street.

Cheney looks at Bush and says, "See! This guy is really stupid."

George Bush agrees. "He really is a dummy. There was a pay phone just around the corner. You could have called instead."

George Bush Joke 3:

Bush's original idea for a campaign slogan - "Reform 'N Stuff."

George Bush Joke 4:

What were George W. Bush's three hardest years? A: Second grade.

George Bush Joke 5:

What's the difference George Bush and a chimpanzee?
One has nearly the mental abilities of a human child and the other likes to eat bananas.

George Bush Joke 6:

George W. Bush was driving from Texas to New York and stopped in a bar on a quiet street and began drinking. After he was well past the legal limit, he stood up and shouted, "All Democrats are pigs!"

Immediately, the barroom crowd set upon him and threw him out of the bar.

After a few days, Mr. Bush stopped in the same bar on his way back to Texas and began drinking again. He stood up, but remembering what had happened last time, he shouted, "All Republicans are pigs," whereupon the crowd descended upon him and threw him out again.

Lying on ground, he asked a passer by "Who the hell do these people vote for around here?"

"You don't understand," the man replied. "They are all pig farmers."

George Bush Joke 7:

Why will they bury George Bush face down?
So he can see where he is going.

Britney Spears Jokes

2010-01-03T14:17:00.000-08:00

Britney Spears Joke 1:

What did Britney say to Kevin when they were in bed ?
Hit me baby one more time.

Britney Spears Joke 2:

Britney Spears decides to go out with her two new buddies, Shaggy and Craig David. They decide to go to the mall and thus enter the elevator to descend. Suddenly, one of them farts. Shaggy: 'It Wasn't Me' Craig: 'I'm Walking Away' Britney: 'Oops, I Did It Again!' Embarrassed by this predicament, Britney decides to make up for it by taking them out again. They catch a train and leave the station when, believe it or not, someone farts again. Shaggy: 'It Wasn't Me' Craig: 'I'm Walking Away' Britney: 'Stronger, Than Yesterday!'

Britney Spears Joke 3:

Britney Spears' husband, Kevin Federline, has his own rap album now. He works under the rap name, La-Z.

Britney Spears Joke 4:

Q: What did Britney's right leg say to her left leg?
A: Nothing, they've never been together!

Britney Spears Joke 5:

Q.There's a Santa Claus, a tooth fairy,a smart britney and a dumb britney walking down the street. they see a dollar. who picks it up?
A:the dumb britney because theirs no such thing as Santa claus a tooth fairy or a smart britney spears

Britney Spears Joke 6:

Q: How do you drive Britney Spears crazy?
A: Give her a bag of M & M's and tell her to alphabetize them

Britney Spears Joke 7:

Q: What's the best reson to promote safe sex?
A: We dont want another Britney

Britney Spears Joke 8:

What do Britney Spears and Pepsi have in common?
They both have plastic jugs

Michael Jackson Jokes

2010-01-03T12:35:00.000-08:00

Michael Jackson Joke 1:

How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
From a catalogue.

Michael Jackson Joke 2:

Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
A: One is white, made out of plastic, and dangerous for kids to play with and the other you carry your groceries in.

Michael Jackson Joke 3:

Q: Who does Michael Jackson consider a Perfect "10"?
A: Two 5 year olds.

Michael Jackson Joke 4:

Q: Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men??
A: He thought it was a delivery service.

Michael Jackson Joke 5:

Q: What has 18 balls and 3 pubic hairs?
A: A Michael Jackson slumber party.

Michael Jackson Joke 6:

Q: Why does Micheal Jackson like to lose foot races to little boys?
A: He likes to come in a little behind.

Michael Jackson Joke 7:

Q: What's sex like for Michael?
A: Child's Play

Michael Jackson Joke 8:

Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a ghost?
A: One is completely white and has a scary face. The other is a supernatural being.

Michael Jackson Joke 9:

Q: What did Michael Jackson do when his hair caught on fire?
A: He "Beat-it!"

Michael Jackson Joke 10:

Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a proctologist?
A: A proctologist doesn't pay for the assholes he's poked around in.

Michael Jackson Joke 11:

Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley?
A: About two dress sizes!!!

Michael Jackson Joke 12:

Q:Why isn't all the controversy bothering Michael?
A:He doesn't mind reaching bottom.

Michael Jackson Joke 13:

What are Michael Jackson's favorite sayings?
1) There's a sucker born every minute.
2) Kids do the darndest things.
3) Tricks are for kids.

Bill Gates Jokes

2010-01-01T09:29:00.000-08:00

Bill Gates Joke 1:

Bill Gates dies in a car crash and ends up in front in front of StPeter@heaven.com.
St. Peter says I don’t know what to do with you. You’ve created many jobs and helped a lot of people in the new electronic age, but you’ve also been a royal pain to some of our big contributers. I’ll tell you what, I’ll let you have a look at heaven and hell and choose for yourself.
So St. Peter shows Bill heaven, with the clouds and Angels and harps, and Bill thinks to himself: “OK, as far as it goes.”
Then St. Peter shows Bill hell, with scantily clad bathing beauties on a tropical beach with palm trees and Bill thinks to himself: “This is a no-brainer!”
So Bill says to St. Peter: “I’ll take hell!”
Two weeks later St. Peter thinks to himself: “I wonder how Bill is doing?”
So he drops by hell and finds Bill chained to a wall, consumed by flames and screaming in agony.
“Where are the bathing beauties, where’s the beach?” Cried Bill. “This isn’t what you showed me!”
“That”, said St. Pete, “was the screensaver.”

Bill Gates Joke 2:

If Bill Gates had a dime for every time a Windows box crashed...
.... Oh, wait a minute, he already does.

Bill Gates Joke 3:

Invited entire tech support department to play golf. Brought Melissa to complete the foursome.
Steve Jobs started work today. The silverware looks great, but he doesn't do windows -- yet.
The baby cries constantly. Maybe I'll buy Fisher-Price.
Bought my first Macintosh. It's sooooo cute!
Good day. Found over 15 bucks' worth of soda cans in the trash bins outside Microsoft headquarters.
Bad day. Ellison sent back the heads of two of the three hitmen I hired, along with a note saying he ate the third one whole.
Still ahead of Murdoch and Eisner. Yes!
Reminder: 35-cent Snapple coupon expires in two days!
Memo to self: Next time, when my wife says we need to buy china, she means dishes.
Ran into Demi and Bruce. Upped my offer to a billion dollars.
Seventh day: Rested.

Bill Gates Joke 4:

Eventually, Bill croaks and Satan is there to greet him. "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever."
Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured.
He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions.
Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a beautiful young blonde with an alluring look on her face, sitting at a table on which there is a bottle of the finest wine. To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner.
Without hesitation, Bill says "I'll take this option."
"Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after Bill. As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer.
"That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer. "Why did you give him the best place of all!"
"That's what everyone thinks" snickered Satan. "The bottle has a hole in it and the girl hasn't!"
"What about the PC?"
"It's got Windows XP!" laughed Satan. "And it's missing three keys,"
"Which three?"
"Control, Alt and Delete."

Snoop Dogg Jokes

2010-01-01T09:12:00.000-08:00

Snoop Dogg Joke 1:

Q) Why does Snoop Dogg Carry An Umbrella??
A) Fo' Drizzle

Snoop Dogg Joke 2:

Q) What does Snoop Dogg wash his clothes with?
A) blee-aachhhh!!

Snoop Dogg Joke 3:

Q) If Snoop Doggy Dogg married Winnie the Pooh what would his name be?
A) Snoop Doggy Dogg Pooh

Snoop Dogg Joke 4:

Q) What does snoop dogg eat for dinner?
A) spa-GHETTO!!!

Snoop Dogg Joke 5:

Q) What’s the difference between Snoop Dogg and an apple?
A) Snoop Dogg fuc@@ yo teacher!!!!

Snoop Dogg Joke 6:

Q) What did snoop dogg tell 50 cent when he saw him putting on a sweater?
A) Hey G, you knit?

Obama Jokes

2010-01-01T08:30:00.000-08:00

Here is a collection of Barack Obama Jokes gathered from around the net. If you have any new Obama Joke simply let us know.

Barack Obama Joke 1

Q. What would you get if you crossed Albert Einstein with Barack Obama?
A. E = MC Hammer

Barack Obama Joke 2

John McCain, Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama all die and go to heaven. God looks down from his throne and asks McCain, "Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?"

McCain takes a breath and then replies, "Well, I think so because I was a great leader and tried to follow the words in your great book." God looks down and then says, "You can sit to my left side."

So, McCain takes his seat and then God asks the same question to Hillary, "Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?" Hillary thinks for a second and then replies, "I think so because I have been fighting for the rights of so many people for so long." God again looks down and this time says, "You can sit to my right side."

Finally God turns to Barack Obama and asks, "Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?"
Obama smiled and replied, "I think you're in my seat."

Barack Obama Joke 3

Obama isn't getting Hillary Clinton a present this year because she hasn't used the one he got her last Christmas. It was a cemetery plot.

Barack Obama Joke 4

Q. What will Barack Obama get for Christmas?
A. Your job, your car and your house.

Barack Obama Joke 5

Q. Why did the Supreme Court block having a Nativity Scene displayed at the White House this year?
A. Plenty of donkeys, but no wise men.

Jokes done by celebrities about Barack Obama:

"See, I got to admit, as a comedian, I'm gonna miss President Bush. Because Barack Obama is not easy to do jokes about. He doesn't give you a lot to go on. See, this is why God gave us Joe Biden." by Jay Leno

"But all this doesn't matter because Obama keeps pulling away in the polls. Every week, he gets a little more ahead. And with almost all groups. Liberals, of course, always supported him. ... And conservatives like the idea of paying a black man to clean up their mess." by Bill Maher